Sunday, 04 July 2010

  • Vindicated

     
    Hope, dangles by on a string, like slow spinning redemption.



    What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems. Told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means.




    I"m the perfect mistake i'm hoping you make right now.


    Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful. They can all get F***** just stay true to you.



    Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for you.

        
     


    Black hole sun, won't you come, and wash away the rain?




    I"ll be, the greatest fan of your life <3





Friday, 25 June 2010

  • Maybe I'm just being emo today.

    I'll always remember that day we did some stupid superlatives thing for fun. It wasn't even posted in the yearbook or anything.. but the fact that everyone felt I was the " Class Ghost " will always stick with me.

    I know I wasn't all outgoing or talkative much in school.  People already didn't like me, I didn't need to make it worse by expressing myself.  They just didn't know me. I don't blame them, really. Some people can't help being put off by someone different. But, whatever.

    I know I've made mistakes in my life.. but I feel like I've done something wrong to make people not really communicate with me often. Or at least, take the first initiative.

    Once in a while my mom, or one of my sisters will randomly text me asking how I am or what's up. I'll get comments on my Facebook status' sometimes. But why do I feel like I'm such a ghost still to people who are so close to me?

    I guess I've made it a point to randomly express that i'm thinking of someone by texting them or leaving some random Facebook post on their page. Calling them to say I miss them..

    I guess some people ( such as my dad ) are just too busy. It just really hurts sometimes.. but maybe I'm just an overcaring person?

    I don't really get many random " I'm thinking of you" or " I miss you! " or ... whatever posts from people. I guess because I'm thinking of people alot.. and missing them I want them to KNOW i'm thinking of them. And that they are loved/cared about. But.. it just makes me sad sometimes to see it around me from people *I* send them to doing it for *Other* people. I mean.. I sound like i'm being selfish/jealous here.. I'm not meaning to. It just depresses me sometimes.

    I dont' want to be a ghost. I dont' want to just.. be there. Like " Oh yeah, Amy, I forgot about her " or.. whatever. Am I really that ... non exciting that people dont' randomly think about me? Or.. want me to know that i'm special to them?

    Meh. Idk. Like I said.. probably just sounding pathetic right now.. but I really do feel strongly about this.

    The people who I'm closest to.. it hurts feeling like I'm not that significant that they want to let me know that.

    Anyway, peace.

    I

Monday, 21 June 2010

  • Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars...

    ...I could really use a wish right now.



    What do you do to not feel?
    When you feel something so strongly that it hurts you repeatedly.
    How do you make feelings go away?
    How do you stop it from affecting you?

    I cannot stand jealousy
    I've tried to see it, and figure out where it comes from.
    I've tried to tell my self it makes no sense.
    It won't change anything making myself sad.

    And yet, when I think that I'm over it
    I see it again.
    The pain comes back.
    And I make myself sad over it.

    I just want to be happy and at peace with how things are.
    I want to think positively of my experiences.
    I pretend to be okay with it all, and build up my walls.
    But it doesn't seem to be working..

    In general, I'm pretty happy with life.
    I shouldn't need this, at all.
    It really shouldn't bother me.
    But why does it so much?

    </3

Sunday, 20 June 2010

  • For My Maxtyn<3


    You are the sun in my sky.
    The moon that lights up my nights.
    Just the sight of you,
    Can brighten the darkest day.

    Your smile,
    The most beautiful of arts.
    Can make me happy
    On the worst of days.

    Your giggle
    like beautiful music.
    The most wonderful song
    That I will ever hear.

    Your life,
    Your beautiful presence.
    Is the biggest miracle
    That I will ever experience.

    The way you look at me
    Makes me know
    Everything will be okay
    For you are my inspiration.

    Your Love
    Is more than I've ever known.
    Makes me want to live.
    It gives me hope.

    My baby boy,
    My Everything.
    Forever and Always
    You are mine.